When your friend texts about going out, even though you’ve slept a collective 12 hours that week and your bank account just hit single-digits: When you’re getting ready: When you’re at the pregame with your friends: When you text your crush: When you get the Uber arrival notification and down the last of your drink: … Continue reading Your Friday night, as narrated by Russell Wilson
The Los Angeles Rams are the best team in the NFL. They have an infallible coach with a literally perfect memory; a quarterback drafted 1st overall and therefore a guaranteed winner; a generational talent at running back and also Todd Gurley. It would take a coach of Fisher-ian incompetence to miss the playoffs with this … Continue reading The Rams’ 3-Point Plan for Super Bowl Success
For Fuck the Rams Week, why not a little playoff machicanery? Yeah, machicanery. ESPN's annual Playoff Machine isn't sentient enough to fuck the Rams on its own, but with a little tender, gentle guidance, it can learn the finer points. Kidding. There are no finer points. Also, the machine is already sentient. Don't be so … Continue reading Rams Against The Machine
Toying around with ESPN’s Playoff Machine late Sunday night, I discovered that with precisely the right clicks, I could catch a glimpse of not only what the 2019 NFL playoff seeding would look like, but what a few of the games would look like as well. After hours and hours poring over my laptop, with … Continue reading Déjà Vu: The 2019 Seahawks in review
Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday, a time to express your gratitude for the blessings in your life that bring you cheer and meaning. Enjoying culinary excess with those that you love and then celebrating all that you have is a joyful experience, especially when involving pumpkins and poultry. But today’s November 29th, you idiots. Thanksgiving … Continue reading Black Friday: A proposal to fire NFL coaches much, much sooner
I arrive at Uncle Boomer’s house. He doesn’t appear to have obtained any new furniture since 1989, except for a TV approximately the size of an Olympic pool that has been mounted to the wall. His house has five bedrooms and a kitchen/dining room combo large enough to host a moderately-sized wedding reception. He lives … Continue reading Seahawks Sunday with Uncle Boomer
Shaquem Griffin has been positionless in the NFL thus far. He did most of his work on the edge in college, but at 220 pounds (he is now up to 230), he didn’t project to the same spot at the next level. It was thought that his stature, speed, and motor instead figured to find … Continue reading On Pass Rush: Shaquem Griffin’s Breakout Day
