Fuck the Rams. Go Patriots.
Football isn’t played on spreadsheets. The simple fact that humans -- not robots (yet) -- play football means that there are intangible factors that undoubtedly affect games. A team’s identity can be one of those factors. Being able to rally around a smashmouth run attack can be a slight motivational edge. And in the game of football, you need … Continue reading Identity Crisis
I began writing this piece two months ago and immediately forgot about it. Naturally, I decided to finish it by the start of the playoffs. Will I revise my opinions? No. Like Dom Toretto's gang, me and my takes are ride or die. Folks, we are five seventeen weeks into the season. We have survived … Continue reading Totally Up-To-Date NFC Power Rankings
Fact: The mascot for the Arizona NFL team is a Cardinal. Fact: The Cardinal is a bird in Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Aves, Order Passeriformes, Superfamily Passeroidea (more like Passer-odor-ea because man these birds stink), Family Cardinalidae. Fact: The Cardinal is the stupidest, most disgusting, utterly incompetent bird of *literally* all time. Fact: It's … Continue reading 2 BEAK 2 WEEK
In last week’s close-fought victory by the Seahawks over the 49ers, a key play at the end of the third quarter may have ended the visiting team's comeback bid. After a 5-yard Chris Carson body blow, the Seahawks rushed into hurry-up mode, desperate to get one more score and hold off the onslaught from Jimmy … Continue reading The NFL must ban Russell Wilson
Crystallization is usually a process that occurs on a geological time scale. Particles slowly adhere and accumulate into shiny rocks that people pay large sums of money for. However, there are times when conditions are just right so that the slightest perturbation can lead to instantaneous crystallization. The Seahawks-49ers rivalry is one such example. My sports-hate for … Continue reading Still Bad, Still Hateable: Breaking down the 49ers
For the record, I want it to be known that I am writing this under protest. I mentioned to Mike that I would be getting Five Guys (the best burger in California) after Sunday's game and he had the audacity, the gall, the utter temerity to question if I was getting Cajun fries. Frankly, how … Continue reading The Seahawks are back on their bullshit