Unnamed No Longer: The Seattle NHL franchise name surfaces in mere hours

Tomorrow at 9 a.m., the wait will finally be over. NHL Seattle (with any luck, the last time I ever have to type that generic-ass name) will be properly inducted into the NHL with a real nickname. The wild speculation will come to an end. To celebrate, let’s speculate wildly as to what the name will be based on a 59-second video the team released this afternoon!

AT first sight, you’re led to believe they crew has caught, in their net, whatever the nickname will be (Sockeye?), but once they pull that red goal light out you realize that was simply a ruse. STAY ON YOUR TOES. But what other clues might we derive from this? We’ll start with the obvious. It’s going to be an ocean-themed name.

Sockeyes, Kraken, Seals — all still in play. Makes sense, as all the other Seattle sports teams  stick with themes relative to the Pacific Northwest and often the Seattle oceanfront. Moving on.

Is that Tod Leiweke? No, of course not. It’s simply a man of the sea, someone who has carved a long career out of sailing the ocean blue, a Mariner perhaps?

Hahaha no of course not.

A new challenger has appeared! The Dogs?! The Yellow Labs?!

Stop. Down boy. That clearly would defy the nautical theme everything else has led us to, including the profile picture and header of the official twitter account.

Two people doing some commercial fishing. Looks like they’ve done this before. The Longshoremen? Net casting typically catches any array of fish, according to my in-depth Google search I performed five minutes ago, which seems to lean Sockeyes, but what’s that on the back of his shirt? TENTACLES MAYBE?!?

Various levers and pulleys might seem like simply a vessel for introducing whatever is in the fishing net, but what if it’s more? Perhaps this is a hint within the hint, a hintception, if you will. (Ed. Note: we always will.) Guess who uses systems of levers and pulleys and designed this exact system. An engineer. Guess what city is home to the 13th highest concentration of engineers in the nation. Seattle Engineers is my DARK HORSE candidate.

This here is simply a goal light. You can find it in any hockey arena anywhere, or at budlight.com. This is not a clue.

The Seattle Ferry Boats, or Ferries, could be another dark horse candidate. But in my expert (do not fact check this) opinion, that more likely is a clue to the sound you’ll hear when Seattle scores a goal. Some teams have train horns, some have sirens, Seattle will have a ferry horn. Perfection.

And that’s it. We’ve made it. It’s been a long journey, but we can finally stop throwing haphazard guesses into the wind about what this beautiful nerdy team will be called. Well, we can stop throwing out haphazard guesses after 9am tomorrow anyway.