Russell Wilson approaches the door of Pete Carroll, which is of course open. Carroll sits in a reclining chair, eyes rapt on a set of dual monitors; one displays what appears to be a series of clips of Marianne Williamson’s various debate performances, the other Travis Etienne highlights. As Wilson comes closer to the entrance, he sees Brian Schottenheimer as well, polishing strangely lifelike pewter figurines of the Seahawks starting offensive players. He taps on the doorframe gently.
Carroll: Ah, Russ, come in, come in.
Wilson enters, sitting down in the third chair.
Carroll: So Schotty and I’ve been talking, and you’ve been playing lights out, really great stuff.
Wilson: Thanks Coach.
Carroll: So, we wanted to extend an invitation to you to participate in Scripting Saturday!
Wilson involuntarily lifts an eyebrow inquiringly.
Carroll: Every Saturday before gameday, me and Schotty script the first fifteen plays of the game. Now, we know you can’t win in the first quarter, so these plays are pretty meaningless; we really just need to get more information about the opposing defense.
Wilson looks momentarily aghast, but otherwise says nothing.
Schotty: So Coach, what’re we running on Play 1?
Carroll, without hesitation: Power run to whatever A-gap Sheldon Richardson is lined up in. We need to teach a few nerds that letting him go was fine.
Schotty, nodding enthusiastically: Yeah, great, Coach. That’ll get us at least 5 yards, you think?
Carroll, smirking: At least. So, for the next play, let’s cook up one of those long developing play action passes.
Schotty: Nick Bellore is pretty slow, so we can target him around 30 yards downfield?
Carroll: Perfect. And let’s play Joey Hunt at tackle. Russ, you’re probably gonna take a sack on this one, but we need to know just how long it’ll take Myles Garrett to get to you assuming no functional pass-blocking. Whattya think Schotty, 1.5 seconds?
Russell Wilson’s eye starts spasming, slightly.
Schotty: I’d take the under if I were betting on it coach.
Carroll: Okay, great. So Russ, this’ll set up a third and long, probably. Our analytics team has demonstrated that this is really your sweet spot, so we’ll just let you run whatever sounds good to you on this play. Okay? Okay. Assuming we get a first down, let—
Wilson blacks out and falls to the floor…
…and finally awakens.
Carroll: So– Hey back with us Russ? Great! Well, that’s all 15 then. And really Schotty, please try to remember when you’re scripting the exact play on 7, we want to go right at Vernon. I have it on good authority that he may be a cap casualty next year, and this’ll be a great opportunity to see if he’s still got it.
SCENE, several hours later:
An equipment tech is making the rounds before gametime tomorrow. Hearing sounds coming from the Seahawks’ equipment room, he heads over to investigate. Entering the room, he spots Russell Wilson, engaged in a furious labor by flashlight. Wilson’s helmet has been cut in two, and he’s smashing his radio headset into tiny pieces with a hammer.
Equipment Tech: Uh, Mr. Wilson, sir, are you okay, or do you need a hand?
Wilson, calmly but grinning: No, I’m good.