Tasteful Parody: “Get Goff”

Last season, I ripped off Weird Al and crafted various song parodies around the Seattle Seahawks in an effort to meme my way deeper in the Seahawks Twitter community. Unsurprisingly, that has led to mixed success — most notably in the form of In Da Club by 50 Cent that began with “Go Schotty, Call a Run Play. I was unceremoniously forced by the analytic nerds to abandon this pursuit in favor of charts and graphs but, given the narrative of this week, perhaps it’s time to pick up an old habit.

If you want the best experience, I highly recommend playing the track by Prince below and singing along.


[Spoken Intro]
Tasteful…
Tasteful…

[Verse 1]
How can I put this in a way so as not to offend your fanbase
There’s a rumor goin’ all round that you lost to Tampa Bay
They say that you’re not last year’s team
In baby who knows how long
It’s hard to defend the title
when your quarterback throws go wrong

[Chorus]
Get Goff – 33 million per year for a bad quarterback
Get Goff – He’ll only audible if McVay sees what he sees
Get Goff – Let the offense roam free through the talents of Todd Gurley
Get Goff – If you want to win score more than three (more than three)

[Verse 2]
I checked your plays from a source
of yours named Mina M. Kimes (Kimes)
She broke down all your formations and
where your guys align (line)
Something about how you can’t adjust to
Opponents and gameplans
What she told them got teams so ready
They knew they’d beat the Rams

[Chorus]
Get Goff – 33 million per year for a bad quarterback
Get Goff – He’ll only audible if McVay sees what he sees
Get Goff – Let the offense roam free through the talents of Todd Gurley
Get Goff – If you want to win score more than three (more than three)

[Verse 3]
1, 2, 3 – Nah, Mister Donald, I ain’t passin’ (Get Goff)
Scope this, tired of the hassling
You plus Clay, what a team
If the rest of the offense
Could stop using the same schemes (Get Goff)
Watch and learn from the best cause sacks are a quarterback construct
Run all your backs
Like you’re running out of town when you stole some dough
Let me show you Sean how I won a Super Bowl

[Refrain]
Everybody let’s lose control
Pump your body like you’re Michael
Get Goff (Get Goff)

[Verse 4]
So here we-so here we-so here we are, here we are (G-G-Get Goff)
Playing by the tracks
Whatcha want to get? “Sacks”
Ha, boy, we don’t get sacks…
You better be happy that you’re down two scores
I saw the soft zone that Wade plays
The D can’t wipe the floor
But that’s alright, it’s an offense game
Remind me of something Ben once proclaimed…
“Should pass the ball”
“Use EPA”
“You don’t have to establish the run”
Now let’s get over with quickly
So I can start prepping for Mayfield’s schtick
Tonight we’re the stars
You’re playing like the Browns
(Hit it)
(Get Goff)
(Get Goff)
(Get Goff)

[Verse 5]
Ooh, I think I like it when the West is good
Makes the division sweeps feel better than it should
Don’t worry about the rest, you’re who we have eyes on Sunday
Then we can do it again when you’re back in LA
At the stadium where other fans outnumber you ten to one
Where your shitty owner gets charged with fraud and…fan refunds?
We’ll both play Scorigami, I guaranteed you won’t be bored
March down the field, yeah move the sticks
Unless it’s the Red Zone, can’t risk the pick
Schotty do no wrong tonight if we just let Dickson kick it
(Kick it)
(Kick it)
(Kick it)

[Bridge]
How can I put this in a way so as not to offend your fanbase (Get Goff)
There’s a rumor goin’ all round that you lost to Tampa Bay (Get Goff)
They say that you’re not last year’s team
In baby who knows how long (Get Goff)
It’s hard to defend the title
when your quarterback throws go wrong

[Chorus]
Get Goff – 33 million per year for a bad quarterback
Get Goff – He’ll only audible if McVay sees what he sees
Get Goff – let the offense roam free through the talents of Todd Gurley
Get Goff – If you want to win score more than three
Come on

[Guitar Solo]
Get Goff
Get Goff
Get Goff
Get Goff
Get Goff
Get Goff
Get Goff
Get Goff