B3AK W33K 3: TOKYO DRIFT

Much like the Cardinals’ beaks, this beak week post is tiny.  Its tiny not because beak week doesn’t matter, but because A) my computer was stolen and B) I literally forgot the cardinals existed until two days ago when Mike reminded me. (Editor’s Note: Do they really exist though?) Oh and the Seahawks took a sawed-off shotgun and blew off both legs and maybe an arm against the Saints last week.

Fortunately, playing the Cardinals in Glendale is frequently a relaxing affair and this week promises to be the same (and not just because Evan Hill will be at the game instead of on Twitter).  But in the interest of appeasing the rabid masses on twitter who have been clamoring for it, here is BEAK WEEK SEASON 2 VOLUME 1.

The Cardinals were a semi-darling of analytics twitter this summer which, as far as I’m concerned, is the kiss of death for their aspirations.  They hired Kliff Kingsbury, offensive wunderkind, who managed to amass 2 winning seasons en route to going 35-40 over 6 years.  Kingsbury has gone all-in on the passing revolution, throwing the ball 46 times per game, and it has paid more dividends than Mychal Kendricks’ stock portfolio.  Only 21 teams in the league score more points per drive than the Cardinals and only 26 teams average more yards per drive.

Of course, it’s tough to excel on offense when you have the 1st overall pick in the draft at quarterback.  Kyler Murray is short and it is literally impossible for short quarterbacks to succeed in the NFL. The worse of the past two Oklahoma Heisman winners is currently below average in Y/A, NY/A, AY/A, ANY/A, completion %, passer rating, and sack %.  Fortunately, this is an improvement on their last first-round pick, who was below average in Y/A, NY/A, AY/A, ANY/A, completion %, passer rating, sack %, and interception %.

However, when all is said and done, I’m sure the half-dozen or so Cardinals fans out there are grateful to have the sobering influence of Steve Keim behind the wheel of their franchise, and not their personal cars.