WHEREAS, Tasteful Profanity: A Beast Pode Production is wholly committed to telling the truth about the Seattle Seahawks football franchise to our readers and fellow fans;
WHEREAS, with the sixty-second overall pick in the 2013 NFL Draft, the Seattle Seahawks selected a running back from Texas Agricultural & Mechanical University;
WHEREAS, that running back posted a pSPARQ of 152.1, which is just bonkers;
WHEREAS, that running back had immaculate style and class;
WHEREAS, that running back DID NOTHING WRONG;
WHEREAS, we here at BeastPode do not want the memory of such a player to be relegated to the dustbin of Seahawks history;
WHEREAS, we recognize that he was one of the few running backs that ACTUALLY MATTERED, NERDS;
NOW, THEREFORE, we, Mike Bar and John Fraley, in our official capacity as founders of Tasteful Profanity, do hereby and hereon declare the week beginning the 2nd of September, 2019 as CHRISTINE MICHAEL DID NOTHING WRONG WEEK, and encourage other Seahawks fans to honor such a fantastic running back and human being. Dated, this 29th day of August, 2019.
This document has been transcribed and officially notarized by Tasteful Profanity’s very own Michael Sawyer, knight of SeaTac and leaver alone of Jake, first of his name, of the house Browning.