The Seattle SH*T: our newest, worst bracketology mutant comes to life

What do to for a sequel to March Maddening, our highly successful* bracket from last spring? Knowing, naturally, that sequels suck, as do those who manufacture them.

*annoying

It would be no small task to set up a contest as farcical as Tom Cable vs. Chone Figgins for the title of most reviled local sports figure. So with no intent whatsoever to top the original Beast Pode bracket, the silly minds behind Tasteful Profanity introduce: The Seattle SH*T.

Seattle

Sports

History

Tournament

Pronounce it any way you like. Just remember to be t*steful.

In this 64-entry, NCAA-style bracket, various sports moments (could be a single play or an entire game) will face off against one another. Voting will take place on Twitter again, in rounds again. Only one Seattle Sports Moment can rule them all, and this time it won’t be Cable’s fault. Probably.

Four regions have been determined, by chronology. Here they are, with some seeding spoilers too!

THE LORE OF ANCIENTS

Covers years 1970-1994. Many of you were not alive for a single minute of this period. Shame on you. The top seeds will be the UW football national title and the Sonics title, but after that it could get gruesome.

REFUSE TO LOSE

Covers years 1995-2002. In eight short calendar years, a lot of shit happened. Mostly good! The Double figures to be our 1 seed. Maybe the best time to be a fan of everyone but the Seahawks.

VALLEYS OF DEATH

Covers years 2003-2011. Say, do you like unhappy endings? Of course you do. You’re still here. Super Bowl XL and Beastquake will be seeded 1 and 2, and watch out for Sad Cinderellas in this quarter of the bracket.

THE GLORY DAYS

Covers years 2012-present. The Tip and The Pick — which moment stayed with you, and gave you the most feels, and continues to do so to this day? Or is it something from XLVIII? Could be Felix’s perfect game or one of the Storm’s three championships. Guess we’ll find out.

Since you’re a Seattle fan, you will remember that the Seahawks, Mariners, Sonics, Sounders, Storm and Huskies have not won every game they played since their genesis. That’s what makes this bracket a little more fun, and, we’ll say it, maddening. Yes, the XL and XLIX losses will be seeded quite well. Yes, a crying Dikembe Mutombo will make an appearance. Yes, an occasional Mariners mishap will show its face. And did you know that Tyrone Willingham’s unforgettable legacy includes a perfect season?

So choose your winner in each matchup based on how strongly the moment in question made you feel then and still does today, and how defining it should be for the local sports scene — historically, presently and moving forward.

Methodology note: We removed from consideration any off-the-field exploits of our beloved, behated franchises. Drafting Ken Griffey Jr. and moving the Sonics — those are epic, fandom-changing events with too much heft. And we’d quickly be well past 64 entrants; the work to pare it down sounds like… work. We’re about play. Let someone else do the w*rk. No off-the-field stuff.

Soon we’ll do a complete bracket reveal and the committee will draw considerable ire for its excellent and totally defensible choices. Which is part of the fun. Your pet moment will be seeded too high, too low, or left off altogether. In advance: we do not apologize. Those who apologize for history are doomed to repeat it. A great man almost said that once.