March Maddening: The Title Game(s) At Last

Five rounds of the March Maddening backet are complete. Two men have won five times, have defeated every lesser villain, scrub, or disappointment in their path.

Only one can be crowned the most annoying Seattle sports figure of the millennium. The runner-up will breathe a long sing of relief. For once, second place, a.k.a. first loser, is the preferred outcome.

Tomorrow, it’s Tom Cable versus Chone Figgins, for all the broken marbles.

Cable has knifed through the tournament like every nondescript rotational interior defensive lineman against one of his Seahawks offensive lines. His victories are by 94, 84, 44, 52 and 56 points.

Figgins knocked out two No. 1 seeds. Will Cable be his third? Figgins, a Mariners free agent acquisition who forgot how to play baseball at the exact same time he moved north to Seattle from LAnaheim in 2010, clashes styles with the favorite (yes that’s Cable). It’s baseball on football, player on coach, past against recency.

Though the Seahawks coach is an early 21-point favorite, due to his multiple blowout wins, Figgins just spent the last week taking out a Seahawks GM (crumpled Tim Ruskell 67-33), a Seahawks player (bested Percy Harvin 60-40) and a Seahawks draft bust (cruised past Aaron Curry 65-35). His voters will not be intimidated by another frickin’ Seahawk in their path.

A piece of juicy information: the title game will decide which real-life contestant will win the BeastPode Bracket Challenge and earn a ten-minute appearance on a future podecast. One of the top two brackets has Tom Cable winning it all — “Matt’s Maddening Matchups.” The other has Figgins — “Chone Figgins. Forever Bad.” Good luck to both, but of course, one of you is screwed in advance.

The championship game is 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. on Wednesday, April 10. Vote. For America. For freedom. For democracy. Hell, for Sparta. For annoyance.


As a sideshow to the March Maddening, the committee hastily organized a minibracket pitting the regions’ namesakes against each other (thanks for the suggestion, Keith Chambers, look at the big brain on him!). If you needed yet another an excuse to heap hate on Ken Behring, Jeff Smulyan, Clay Bennett and Howard Schultz, you got it.

In the first round, Behring waltzed past Smulyan, while Schultz roasted Bennett. Also on Wednesday, starting a little after and ending a little before the Maddening final, the two most reviled men in Seattle sports will fight an undercard from which you cannot turn away.


For, you know the drill, entertainment purposes only.

Cable -27

Schultz -33

May the odds be ever in our favor. Hey. If Howard wins, we get the Sonics back. What? No? Dammit this is the worst timeline.