T*steful Roundup: Santa cLara Edition

It feels as though it has been years, but welcome back to THE T*STEFUL ROUNDUP after a loss.

Although the 49ers snapped their 10-game losing streak to the Seahawks on Sunday, there was plenty of good to be gleaned from that game. Or maybe there wasn’t. Who knows?

These guys do. Contributors, guest-posters, and all sorts of rascals from the BeastGlobe will write up a brief chunk of text discussing their thoughts from the previous night’s game. It will likely be a combination of humor, insight, knowledge, ineptitude, and everything in between.

Enjoy these words from all of these nerds.


First off, I would like to congratulate Kyle Shanahan on reaching double digit wins. It only took 30 games.

This Seahawks season has been pretty boring. And I don’t mean that facetiously. The Seahawks have beaten teams they are better than (often by a lot) and lost to teams they are worse than (often by a little). The Seahawks, barring some 2012 postseason Flacco-esque bullshit, are not Super Bowl contenders.

And that’s okay.

They have a ton of money on the cap, are adjusting to a new OC and OL coach (there is a separate and valid discussion about the relative quality of those two new coaches), and their best WR has been playing on half a leg all season (and also just balled the fuck out). In a reloading year, the Seahawks are a near lock for the playoffs. I think that’s a result any of us would have taken at the start of the season.


The Seahawks are still going to get the 5 seed, and it’s going to be so delicious to go into Dallas and watch all the Tony Romo botched hold replays. Side note: that was the first night I ever got drunk, celebrating that game.

I wish I was drunk during this game, or at least half as drunk as the refs…


Losing sucks, like it sucks a lot. But let’s keep some clear heads on what happened in Santa Clara.

Michael Dickson put together one of the best punting performances I can remember.

His last two punts went into the endzone you say? They were both over 60 yards, you cretin. Even in a windy and rainy of 4th quarter, he damn near pinned it inside the 5, from 65 yards out, (have I mentioned it was in the wind and the rain) with everything else going to shit. If it’s not wet maybe he pins it, maybe not. Hardly anyone does from 65 yards out. It was nearly incredible.

Two minutes later what does he do? From 62 yards, the same damn thing.

When he was asked to reverse the field, he did. Again and again. When the Seahawks asked him to punt beyond the 50 on 4th and short? He pinned them inside the two. Twice. And with the game on the line, with any points making the difference, he boomed it over 60 yards and nearly pinned them again. Twice. Dickson looked every bit the kind of punter you take in the fifth round and every bit the kind you trade up for.

Eight punts later and the Seahawks lose, sure. But in that weather, with those penalties, Dicko gave Seattle a chance.

A chance to clinch the playoffs.

A chance to punt to win.


Ban the refs and other teams being allowed to use play action. McDougald please be okay.

That’s all I’ve got.


I want 10 wins.

I know Seattle is still essentially a lock to make the playoffs at 9-7, but double digits feels soooo much better. Shitting the bed yesterday versus the 49ers was not what we had in mind, so the Chiefs game next week is really, really important. No one wants to head into the playoffs after losing a home primetime game in Week 16. But there’s another reason we need to beat the Chiefs.

Coming into this season there were 3 must-win games I had in mind. The first was against the Los Angeles Chargers. Russell Wilson has beaten all but four teams in the NFL (one being the Seahawks) and the Chargers were one of them.

0 for 1.

The second was yesterday’s game. Wilson has four wins at Levi’s Stadium, and a fifth would have put him one away from tying the record for the most wins by a QB at that stadium (which, for a QB who plays there once a year, would be a miraculous feat).

0 for 2.

Sunday night’s match against the Chiefs is third, for the same reason as that against the Chargers. Russell Wilson has never beaten them (outside of the preseason) and won’t face them again for another four years.

So, Seattle, if you could avoid going 0 for 3 next week, I’d realllllllllly appreciate it.


What did any of you expect?

Like I said on the Pode, the Seahawks will finish the season with two wins [versus NFC West opponents] and to expect anything else is asking too much of a middle of the road team with a game manager at QB (Editor’s Note: Okay Chan).

Real quarterbacks can play in the rain but, according to my main source, Russell Wilson is a magic grow toy and his hands lose their molecular consistency in the rain. It’s sad but true.

Fuck the refs.


Jarran Reed and Poona Ford, a king and a prince among peasants, were the only reasons to watch an unwatchable game.

Thank fuck that’s over.


What John said.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.