T*steful Roundup: V2kings Edition

Welcome back to the Victory……Tuesday(???) version of THE T*STEFUL ROUNDUP.

Since the Seahawks technically already played the Vikings in 2018 (in the preseason), this is the Roundup’s V2ikings Edition. Contributors, guest-posters, and all sorts of rascals from the BeastGlobe will write up a brief chunk of text discussing their thoughts from the previous night’s game. It will likely be a combination of humor, insight, knowledge, ineptitude, and everything in between.

Enjoy these words from all of these nerds.


Well well whaaaaale! I never thought I’d say a defensive slugfest would be a refreshing sight for sore eyes.

But here I am.

In Russell Wilson’s professional career, he’s only thrown for less than 100 yards once prior to last night’s 21-7 win over the Vikings. Though victorious in both instances, 72 yards was a single-game career low for the 7-year veteran. In an ever-evolving league with such an overwhelming trend of aerial assault, the Seattle Seahawks have tripled down on a philosophy of running the football and playing physical defense. Every week their plan of attack mimics the previous. They are sticking to what they believe in and what they’re good at, despite the external reverberations of needing to adapt or die.

Posing an 8-5 record with head-to-head advantages over Green Bay, Dallas, Carolina and Minnesota, the Seahawks have all but mathematically sealed themselves into a playoff spot. ESPN’s FPI currently gives the Seahawks a 99% chance at making the postseason. A victory Sunday against the 49ers will make things official.


Kirk Cousins was over the line on hisbgarbage time touchdown pass to Dalvin Cook last night. If that was a touchdown, then Russell’s big play to (insert street FA RB here) in 2015 vs the Rams in week 16 should have stood as well. The reason being: both those fuckers were over the line.

In a game so ugly that the Grinch cringes at the sight of it, the Seahawks managed to win convincingly (lol) by 3 scores (Cousins was over the line) and make it to 8-5, all but securing a playoff berth. In a rebuilding year, it truly is amazing what the Seahawks have been able to do. They’ve won their last 4 games with a real chance to win at least 10 games this year and possibly 11.

It was amazing watching Seattle play on Monday night with the best announcing crew in football; a crew so good that it compares to a white house staffer. And like another white house resident, they got on a topic and couldn’t get off it.

Bobbert Joseph Wagner blocked that kick cleanly, after ever so gently placing his hands on his teammates at the apex of his jump. He’s making it over regardless he doesnt need help he’s a God.

Like I said last time, the Seahawks are fun because there were no expectations this year. However, just like in both games vs. the Rams (Editor’s Note: Fuck the Rams), they’ve gotten our hopes up.

Now we pray they dont falter down the stretch, as the expectations are now in place.


Cry Havoc, and let slip the Hawks of December.

Hey, wow, dominant defensive performance. What a huge game for Shaquill. He put together a great performance against a doozy of a WR group. Wagner is the DPOY not named Aaron Donald.

The offense was weird. Russ was off on some throws — the team clearly misses Douglas. Penny is really good.





I don’t know how we’re going to do it. They literally don’t make dump trucks large enough for all the money we’re going to have to bring to Frank Clark to keep him a Seahawk. He’s going to build a Scrooge McDuck swimming pool and make whomever owns the Seahawks next year pay for it. I don’t know what he’s going to do with all that money. Maybe he’ll buy a boat. Pretty nice hypothetical boat you got there Frank, can I borrow it?

That game was 47 minutes of “what the hell is this offense?” followed by bellowing “NEVER A DOUBT” as we proceeded almost instantly from 3-0 to 21-7. You knew Russell Wilson was going to pull out some stupid magic in the 4th quarter. How? I mean, what are you, new? He always does in these kinds of games. There’s always that one play that was completely unplanned that turns into a game-changer. A scramble for 40 yards leading to the game’s first touchdown turned out to be the game-winning drive, score, magic BS we were all waiting for.

My takeaways:

1) Russell Wilson succeeds at times he has no business doing so. He makes the hardest throws at the best rate in the league above expectation. I am not convinced this team is better schemed than last year. The offensive line playing well to open up the run game and Wilson making these throws is the offensive difference.

2) Bobby Wagner for President.

3) Frank Clark is the premier pass rusher the Hawks hoped they’d get drafting him.

4) The defense un-regressed from the mean just in time. Law of large numbers, don’t screw us now!



I know the MNF crew gets a lot of flack, but I actually didn’t mind them tonight. Sure, Joe Tessitore wouldn’t shut up about Bobby Wagner committing a penalty on the blocked field goal (which I don’t believe was actually a penalty — the rule is subjective because there’s no definitive way to say if he gained leverage by putting his hands on his teammates, especially since he didn’t touch them until he was already past the Viking players), but overall I really enjoy how Tessitore calls a game. Some other thoughts:

– I also thoroughly enjoyed the crew’s observations on the ‘obvious tension’ between Zimmer and DeFilippo in their meetings.

– I thought their conversation on whether or not the Vikings should go for it on 4th down was good too.

– I did not enjoy them referring to Bobby Wagner as ‘right there with Luke Kuechly’ instead of ‘far and away better than Luke Kuechly’.

– Everyone is going to talk about the success we’ve had running the ball without DJ Fluker, as the two games with Jordan Simmons we’ve rushed for 273 and 214 yards. People are wondering if we really need to sign Fluker this offseason. Yes. Yes we do, assuming it’s at a reasonable price. Solari has resurrected Fluker’s career, so it may be.

– Before the season I had Minnesota firmly in the ‘obviously better than the Seahawks’ group of NFC Teams (with the Saints and the Rams), I’m glad I was wrong about that.

– There is a very high chance that Week 17 won’t matter, as Seattle will have the 5th seed locked up. If this is the case, it may make sense to lose to the Cardinals to make sure they don’t get Nick Bosa at #1.

– That end of the 1st half was a comedy of errors. I think I saw Tyler Lockett see Russell start to scramble and go back the opposite direction, however I don’t think he got very far when Russell was going to throw the ball away (taking a sack would mean no points, a throw away would give us another shot at the end zone as long as it wasn’t intentional grounding which would have been a 10 second run off and live clock). Unfortunately he happened to be going down when he threw it, which led to it being picked. It was just bad luck with the stumble + a bad decision (but not a terrible one) to throw that ball.

– David Moore needs some toe tap training from Doug Baldwin and Bobby Engram.

– Remember when everyone on Seahawks Twitter shat on Brian Schottenheimer for saying that for the offense to improve, the Seahawks need to be able to run the ball when defenses know they are going to run it?

– If Russell Wilson actually likes Brian Schottenheimer and his offense (which I think he does) then I’d bet good money that he becomes the next head coach after Pete Carroll retires.


You can count on the Seahawks to take the dumbest and most circuitous route to a 21-7 result.

Bobby Wagner, Frank Clark, Bradley McDougald and Tre Flowers had nights. Man, did they. Justin Coleman got his TD. Jarran Reed continued to play at a Pro Bowl level. But one man who desperately had to show up and show up big, did: Shaquill Griffin.

After subpar outings this season, and after looking at times like the third-best corner on the team, he was present and powerful on Monday night. Good in coverage, in tackling, in ball awareness, and there for the key block on the defensive score. He’s still good. Please don’t forget. Because when he erupts in 2019, it’ll be because of the learning curve he conquered in 2018.

That said, the defense tonight as a whole was bonkers. RIP the shutout with less than two minutes left. No matter. The Seahawks are here, here again, back to fuck with your excuse for an offense.


Few things bring me more joy than watching Bobby Wagner be the best football player on planet earth. After just about the most dominant performance imaginable against the 49ers last week, Bobbert drew back the curtain and welcomed us back to the freak show that is his normal.

Another week, another ballcarrier stopped dead in his tracks on 4th-and-short. Bobby even felt divine enough to invent a new penalty!

Harkening back to the Legion (read Nathan Bishop’s newest on the Bloge about just this), Wagz flew over the field goal unit in an arc headed straight for the heavens, with a mere brush of the fingertips separating him from America not pitifully whining about the Cheathawks.

There’s not much to say any more. Babby Wogner is good. Deal with it, Luke Kuechly.

Oh and btw Jacob Martin’s strip sack is the best play of the season no question.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.