The Seahawks are back on their bullshit

For the record, I want it to be known that I am writing this under protest. I mentioned to Mike that I would be getting Five Guys (the best burger in California) after Sunday’s game and he had the audacity, the gall, the utter temerity to question if I was getting Cajun fries. Frankly, how dare he. But then he served me with my official Beast Pode contract and apparently I am required to write this stuff for 80 years and also name my firstborn Tanner. (Editor’s Note: It’s true. Always read the fine print.)

Well, the Seahawks just wrapped up Pete Carroll’s 85th win in Seattle and Russell Wilson’s 71st (1st place in Seahawks history). And, like many wins over the last seven years, it followed the official Pete Carroll blueprint (TM).

Step 1: Allow 8.4 yards per play
Step 2: Recover zero (0) fumbles
Step 3: Run for 2.7 yards/carry
Step 4: ?????
Step 5: Gain 40 percentage points of playoff probability.

Okay, maybe not according to the typical Pete Carroll game plan. HOWEVER, I submit that it was a *textbook* Pete Carroll Seahawks Absolute Bullshit Victory (TM).

Every single year, the Seahawks pull out a win from absolutely nowhere. In 2012, the Seahawks took a 3 point lead against the Bears with 24 seconds left in the 4th quarter after Russ went into God mode, only to give up a game-tying field goal, and then Russ went into God mode again for the victory.In 2013, the Seahawks were getting outplayed by the Texans only for Richard Sherman to reel in a game-sealing pick six. In 2014, the NFC Championship Game was, uh, pretty exciting. In the bonkers Pittsburgh game of 2015, Markus Wheaton (who? exactly) had 200 receiving yards.

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In 2016, the Seahawks waddled into Foxboro and took a dump on the Super-Bowl-bound Patriots (shout out C.J. Prosise). And in the terrible, very bad, no good 2017 season, the Seahawks beat the World Champion Los Angeles Rams, actually wait I am now hearing that that team was knocked out in the first round of the playoffs. Anyways, they beat the infalliable Sean McVay with an Earl Thomas Tomahawk and 62 rushing yards on 25 carries.

Pete Carroll has his flaws and his Seahawks teams have certainly lost to teams they should beat (literally every Rams team from 2012-2016), but I’m not sure there is a better team in the league at winning games they should absolutely lose.