T*steful Roundup: Packers Edition

Welcome back to another Victory Mon- I mean….. Victory Friday(?) version of THE T*STEFUL ROUNDUP.

Contributors, guest-posters, and all sorts of rascals from the BeastGlobe will write up a brief chunk of text discussing their thoughts from the previous night’s game. It will likely be a combination of humor, insight, knowledge, ineptitude, and everything in between.

Enjoy these words from all of these nerds.

Mike C:

The Packers are terrible. First off, their namesake is based off of a meat packing company, which doesn’t even make sense considering their mascot is now cheese. Secondly, they were stupid enough to pass on JOHN FUCKING SCHNEIDER for the GM position and got stuck with Ted “Trading for players and Free Agency is Cheating” Thompson. And third, Golden Tate caught the ball, so shut up about the refs and not getting any calls. You employ Clay Matthews of all people FFS.

I didn’t watch the game but I want to remind fans that the Seahawks held Rodgers to 24 points without the Legion of Boom. Also I feel like Naz Jones is our secret weapon. Shoutout to Mike McCarthy for being more conservative than the State of Wisconsin.


It’s not uncommon that, when watching a Seahawks game, I think about death. Particularly, I think about that most ancient of questions: if you could know the date and time of your demise, would you? Whenever the question occurs to me, the answer seems obvious. The connection between the two is that a good — and I mean here really well and truly good — Seahawks game conjures a kind of magic that makes that question, posed about the outcomes of games instead of life, obvious for almost precisely the same reason. The cresting of surprise, the crashing and impenetrable terror of doubt, and the unraveling of joy takes on a sort of life-death-rebirth cycle.

Wisdom is for suckers.

I don’t think this victory says much about the Seahawks, though. Both they and the Packers seem similarly situated; QBs that are not as good as they have been before; perhaps too reliant on a run game; playing a defense that has good, maybe great, parts, but which is young and raw enough to be exploitable. Neither team can rely on divisional games to bail them out as they had in the past (though for very different reasons), and they find themselves on the cusp of mediocrity, facing a reality in which a postseason run probably depends on a sudden and unpredictable alchemy. The better team won, as often happens, but the better team will face stiffer competition for half of its remaining games.

But, like any good fan, I’ll continue screaming my guts out, yelling fanatical incantations to the football gods, terrifying my animals, and praying for the most improbable triumphs.

If I could have any one wish, though, it’d probably be for an unfiltered Mina Kimes to have a crack at interviewing poor Aaron Rodgers now. We can always dream.


Missed most of the first half. Heard Seahawks were up to some classic Seahawks hijinx. What’s a Tonyan? Whatever, the second half was dope!

The defense is a better man-cover team than a zone team. So it seems anyway. And when you can play man against Green Bay’s receivers it makes it easier to rush Rodgers. He gets choosy. He’s liable to hold the ball to see if something comes open, giving an adequate pass rush just enough time to come off their blocks and reward their motor — if they have it.

And it appears this defensive line has it.

Tallying five sacks against an offensive line with that much talent and groove is fairly significant.


All hail Wagner and the Dicksons.

Sure, Russell Wilson had a big game, with big-time throws and good decisions after halftime, and the defensive line awoke to furnish five sacks. Sure, Jarran Reed continues to play at a Pro Bowl level. Yes, Tyler Lockett is worth all the money. Yes, Doug Baldwin is still a factor; shame on you for forgetting about him while he was busy not scoring touchdowns in the first 10 weeks. THE OFFENSIVE LINE IS STILL GOOD.

But Bobby Wagner was a mutant, and a ninja. He had a crucial tackle for loss, his nine tackles led all players, and his tight coverage of Davante Adams 40 yards downfield led all players in “how the hell did a linebacker just.”

Michael Dickson uncorked (it’s a required term, shut up) punts of 57, 54 and 59 yards, and in case you were taking his field-position-changing work for granted, don’t.

Ed Dickson didn’t let his crime-solving partner get all the glory. He was in the right place at the right time for a game-winning touchdown catch against the Packers, which puts him in a pretty select club of Seahawks. (Come back Golden, I love you Jermaine.)

Mike B:

The last time the Seahawks found themselves victorious over Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers, it was in excellent fashion to send them to the Super Bowl.

The past three times the teams have met haven’t gone very well for Seattle, some might say. Three trips to Lambeau, three losses. Not ideal.

But hey. The Seahawks won. Against the Packers. In a game. A football game.

Here are some of my thoughts reflecting on said football game:

  1. Doug Baldwin is filthy. Still. Even when he’s not 100%.
  2. Tyler Lockett is also filthy. 5 receptions for 71 yards plus a deep pass interference penalty that set up a score.
  3. David Moore has had a couple of really poor games, continuing with a dropped deep pass last night. Fortunately, he rebounded nicely and made a couple big catches to extend Seahawks drives.
  7. Frank Clark had two sacks to push his season total to 10.0. No matter how you feel about Clark (which should not be diminished), he’s playing very well.
  8. Duane Brown had a rough night and Germain Ifedi looked pretty good 👀
  9. Russell Wilson’s mechanics are still in a weird point of crossover between the old and the new and he’s missing weird throws. It’s really nice to see him moving well and scrambling.
  10. Chris Carson is good.
  11. Rashaad Penny is also good.
  12. Running the ball effectively is the most good of the three.

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