T*steful Roundup: Fuck the Rams V2

Another Rams game proved to be another opportunity for the Seahawks to break our hearts. Welcome back to THE T*STEFUL ROUNDUP.

Contributors, guest-posters, and all sorts of rascals from the BeastGlobe will write up a brief chunk of text discussing their thoughts from the previous night’s game. It will likely be a combination of humor, insight, knowledge, ineptitude, and everything in between.

Enjoy these words from all of these nerds and, as always…



With up tempo and nearly perfect clock management (despite a controversial spike), the game expired on a routine lob to Tyler Lockett we’ve seen Russell Wilson execute 100+ times. The underlying theme was that, once again, the Seahawks found themselves on the wrong side of a one-score game.

Did it have to be though?

Despite an even more bland gameplan than last week’s, Seattle found themselves trading leads and brewing themselves a game-winning drive. That was until a Los Angeles strip sack set up a go-ahead TD, giving the Rams a two score lead late in the 4th quarter. This, to me, was the real nail in the coffin. As we learned last week, one-score games become nearly insurmountable when the opponent scores off these turnovers.

Though this adolescent defense had a great late game stand, they didn’t make things any easier, giving up 36 points in totality. Some may say that should’ve been expected going against such a dynamic offense, insinuating that Seattle’s “mix” was not aggressive enough until forced, and that’s the sort of “playing to not lose” mentality that rarely has success against top shelf clubs. Personally, I think the game went about how most expected. The Seahawks would double down on their identify with a fairly similar gamescript and result.

Yes, this is the definition of insanity, folks. That doesn’t mean running doesn’t matter.

Perhaps 50% is a bit much though. Seattle now has to turn the page quickly to the Packers in a primetime game with wildcard implications on the line.

Follow @Cyoplasm


Sean McVay is Public Enemy Number One. He forces a Pete Carroll defense to do everything it doesn’t want to do. He makes them play soft with bunches, stacks, and reduced splits. He makes them read complex route releases and combinations, forcing them to play slow. Before the defensive backs and linebackers can figure out who they need to match, the ball is out.

On longer developing stuff, when reads are slightly more clear for the defense, he drives off the MOF closers, and fits draggers underneath them, and the corners can’t squeeze it the way they want because they’re stuck with something underneath that could go vertical as well.

And the protection always holds up for it too. What the fuck.


Also woooooooh how about Rashaad Penny?

Follow @cmikesspinmove


Expectations are always fraught. Expectations that change are even more dangerous.

At the beginning of the season, my beliefs were that this was a flawed roster with only three elite players that will also be poorly served by bad coaching.

After the first four games, the worst version of this belief was being borne out, with Seattle being an arguably undeserving 2-2. One of their three elite players was gone for the season (if not forever) and one other elite player was playing very poorly. The coaching was still bad.

Over the next five weeks, the two remaining elite players played at a somehow even more elite level. The rest of the roster was punching down to awful competition when they weren’t punching up to great competition. Things were looking up. The coaching still sucked.

I think, with the Seahawks sitting at 4-5, we have a pretty solid idea of where this team is, despite the shifting of expectations and beliefs. This is a decent but flawed (and not deep) roster with two absolutely elite players. The entire team will be held back by poor-to-awful coaching.

They may sniff the Wild Card, but will still be standing far enough away to smell, but not enjoy, the postseason this year.

Of course, beat Green Bay and Carolina and expectations will have a tendency to shift all over the place…

Follow @MikeAllSawyer


It’s frustrating to watch the Seahawks drop a second winnable game to the Rams. Most people thought the this team would struggle this year, so perhaps 4-5 isn’t mind blowing for this point of the season but it doesn’t make the loss hurt less.

The team’s two minute drill continues to be bad — so bad in fact that the signal fires of the “Bevell did nothing wrong” tribe burn brightly in wake of this game yet again. Either they have gone mad or I have, but at least Tom Cable is gone.

Things dont get easier from here really. After two games against playoff teams this week and last, Seattle must slog through a remaining schedule containing several other teams in the wild card hunt and the offensive juggernaut that is Kansas City.

While the Seahawks managed over 30 points each time against the Rams, it wasnt enough to win either time. Perhaps it was offensive coaching, I always enjoy a good round of ‘Blame Schottenheimer,’ but scoring 30 points should give you a reasonable chance to win. If you believe that good teams win close games, the Seahawks are 1-5 in those this year. If you think the Seahawkenheimers struggle on offense, their first down rates are among the lowest in the league. Shouts to Arizona and Buffalo keeping them from being dead last.

Thank God for Michael Dickson. Johnny Hekker couldn’t even manage a 50 yard per punt average? Can’t relate. Couldn’t be my Punter in Chief.

Follow @SeanFromSeabeck

Mike B:

Man fuck the Rams.

Also lmao imagine giving up on Rashaad Penny after 40 career carries. Oops.

But mostly just fuck the Rams.

Follow @SeahawkScout

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