T*steful Roundup: Maladroit Detroit Edition

Welcome to yet another Victory Monday T*STEFUL ROUNDUP! The Seahawks left the Lions weezing and gasping for air yesterday. Seattle has, for the past five weeks looked (oh god) pretty damn good.

Contributors, guest-posters, and all sorts of rascals from the BeastGlobe have written a lot to recap the Motown Throwdown. Enjoy all these words from all of these nerds!


I spent money on airplane wifi to follow this game from the skies. It was worth it.

Follow @HdR0bot


The Seahawks beat another team that they should beat. And they didn’t just beat them — it was another blowout. That’s gotta be good for the DVOA.

The offense looks awesome. The OL technique looks so precise and the diversity of scheme is enough to keep DLs guessing, even if the timeliness of specific runs against specific fronts were frustrating. Solari has done a great job and credit to Schottenheimer as well. The passing game didn’t look particularly schemed up, as a lot of the big plays seemed to be excellent ball placement from Russ and excellent execution from the receivers, but Schotty knows the strength of his personnel and is using them accordingly. Most importantly: Russ is confident, Russ believes. He’s indefensible in such a state.

Turnovers may be random, but this defense continues to create them. The LOB’s usual suspects are gone, but quarterbacks are finding out they don’t have a blank check on risk throws against these DBs.

There is a clear shift to two-high in the defense though post-Earl. They were running split-safeties with Earl a bit before the injury, almost as if they were prepping the rest of the team of what was to come. It seems to be working in not putting too much stress on Tedric Thompson, who is naturally burdened the most playing the centerfielder role.

I wasn’t a fan of going soft and conservative for the two touchdowns surrendered and still getting beat deep. But maybe those scores can serve as a wake-up call for the coverage and no better time to receive such a call than in a game in which the team still comes away with the win.

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Mike C:

In the day we won it

out on the fields

in a city filled with broken machines.

The offense ran through

the whole Lions defense

like it’s twenty fifteen.

Sprung from the backfield

for gains of nine.

High-stepping, stiff-armin’

and moving the defensive line.


Baby we’ll win this with your running backs

So attack the gaps, so beat the first snap

Gotta do it while the game’s young

‘Cause teams like us,

Baby we were born to ruuuun

Follow @karatemanchan37


The Seahawks celebrate another victory at the hands of a middling opponent. While the Lions aren’t the dregs of the league, they certainly aren’t on the playoff contending side of the NFC teams hovering around .500. That said, the Seahawks are trending on the positive side of the aforementioned conglomerate, going 4-1 over the last 5 games. This team is not deceptive in trying to hide their motives. As Pete Carroll mentioned, they aren’t fooling anyone and that’s okay because, at the end of the day, it really comes down to execution.

We can argue down & distance scenarios or bicker about the proper run/pass ratio. The fact of the matter is, the players on the field are simply executing better each and every week. Matt Patricia is a new Head Coach but defensively, do you think he was caught off guard, unprepared for the elaborate gameplan Seattle deployed? No, he knew exactly what was coming when he traded for Damon “Snacks” Harrison earlier last week… and despite a pretty good debut from Harrison, Detroit couldn’t slow the run.

Seattle responded to an early Detroit touchdown, scoring 28 unanswered. Leaving Janikowski to kickoffs and extra points, the Seahawks finish with another great week in the red zone.

What’s going unnoticed in outer circles is how well this defense is continually playing. 3 sacks, 1 interception, 6 pass deflections and 2 fumble recoveries on the day. It’s crazy when reflecting, but there were still missed opportunities for additional turnovers! Carroll is getting the best out of a brand new crew; with a fraction of the household names, at a fraction of the cost. Can they continue with big tests coming over the next three weeks? We can soon validate whether the Seahawks are this good, or if they were just better than the bad teams scheduled against them.

Follow @Cyoplasm



Who’s laughing now chumps? The Seattle Dicko N Dicksons ran roughshod over the lackadaisical Lions. I name you pretender Johnny Hekker, you false God of the punting lands. I KNOW BUT ONE KING, THE KING IN THE NORTH NAMED MICHAEL DICKSON. Michael Dickson, true to the hype, delivered the coup de grace in the form of a 4th down fake punt.

“Take the safety and just burn some clock,” says Pete Carroll.

“Sorry mate, not with these giant balls.” Our Punter in Chief.

To all of you, I say sure Russell Wilson may have had a perfect passer rating, yeah the team may have run 42 times. But only one of those attempts matter, because only one rusher matters. AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA MICHAEL DICKSON. The punt is established, the punt action run works. Go for it on fourth down and, as always…


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Michael S:

As has been remarked upon time and again, sports have the odd ability to bring together otherwise disparate individuals. Taking in a live sporting event forces one to share close proximity with those you’ve never seen before in your life and may well never again. And yet, here you are, screaming your fucking lungs out, your face construed into something both joyous and primal, doling out forceful high-fives to everyone within a ten-foot radius.

You look like an absolute fucking jackass, but that’s okay because everyone does too and no one gives a shit. The team you’ve invested in and supported for at least a decade has scored a last-second winning goal. You’re enthusiastically switching between high-fives and fist-bumps with some guy two rows up because you both know that this squad was beyond dead four months ago and just completed a historic ascension up the standings, into the playoffs and a first-round bye.

You’re sloshing about through the haze of your third tallboy and the torrential downpour that seems to be washing away the doubts and fears of every fan in the stands. We can absolutely fucking do this, because no one’s ever done what we’ve done.

The din of the crowd may have left your ears hours ago but that feeling you had in your gut the split second between when you knew the ball was in the back of the net and when physics caught up to you will still be there, years later. What a great thing to share with the 40,000 people you love the most.

Go Sounders.

Follow @MikeAllSawyer


The best mythologies, wild and prophetic, all have a trickster god, devoted to comedy, an embodiment of the reminder – to both people and fellow deities – that life is, fundamentally, absurd. And that that fact is, in fact, itself funny.

We often talk about who the Seahawks are, what their identity is – or at least, I talk about it, perhaps too much, encouraged by the hope that others will as well – and I believe we have now found it. If you could consider the NFL a pantheon, the Seahawks are its tricksters, the keeper of hilarity, divinity of the absurd. Consider: if the origin story of this new identity in this game was scheming one Dickson wide the fuck open on 3rd and 1 by fooling everyone that a run was coming, then it was concluded, literally, by another Dickson running a fake punt for a first down from the depth of the endzone.

Let’s reiterate: this is a team that was willing to sacrifice points in order to psych out its opponent. This is a team that keeps on getting No-E into the EZ because he is better at celebrating teeders than anyone else in the game, ever. This is a team that, on the face of things, doesn’t appear to have an abundance of talent, and so they conjure it from a place of mystery, as needed, led by the magicians Carroll, Schotty, Norton, Dangeruss, and Wagner, resident _Istari_ of our emerald city. David Moore, one such conjuration, has mastered the trick of pretending to fumble the ball, only to fool opponents into letting him score. This defense is becoming Seattle’s own artful dodger, stealing the ball with grace and ease, laughter ringing faintly in the ears of those who are left to wonder: what just happened?

In the end, this team is just plain fun. For as much as tricksters often serve a critical, if not essential role, in the stories of our days, sometimes they just like to steal shit and laugh at everyone else.

Who’s laughing now, fuckers?

Follow @TheAxiomatician


How often is a 28-14 road victory not as close as the score indicates? When the Seahawks outplay the Lions in every phase. When they get out to an early lead and therefore some fourth-quarter missteps are incidental to the final result. When Russell Wilson ascends to the Heavenly Father in the second quarter, fresh off a half with this divine line: 11-12, 151 yds, 3 TD, 0 INT, 12.6 YPA. When Michael Dickson channels his Aussie Rules roots and trades an intentional safety for a large-testicular first down.

For the second straight week, the Seahawks put an opponent down on the road, mercilessly, without a second thought, like a good team does to an ungood team. The accolades are too numerous to hand out on a comprehensive basis, but if you want an example of resilence that will get you through a painful loss later in the season, there’s always Justin Coleman.

Destroyed on a lame screen pass early on, stout in coverage but far less stout in the open-field tackling department, he saved his play of the game for the one-yard line, Malcolm Butlering Matthew Stafford and Ricardo Lockettizing Golden Tate both at once. He’s going to make a similar play in December or January to help win a crucial game.

And like these Seahawks, it will be fun.

Follow @johndavidfraley

Mike B:

Four of the last five. Not too shabby, folks. Three first half touchdowns. Not too shabby, Russ. A successful challenge even though just about every one of us melted down as soon as the flag was thrown. Not too shabby, Pete.

My thoughts from Sunday’s victory:

1. Russell Wilson is playing out of his fucking mind. The Seahawks will be very difficult to beat if he continues to sling it like this.

2. Tyler Lockett keeps reaching paydirt. He is also putting on a touchdown celebration clinic.

3. David Moore is getting better every week and the team is absolutely playing to his strengths.

4. Shaquill Griffin hasn’t stood out to me over the past couple games, which is a good thing.

5. Delano Hill had a rough go of it in the few snaps he saw.

6. Tedric Thompson gave up Detroit’s first touchdown of the day (which was absurd in its own right) and then redeemed himself with a forced turnover mere minutes later.

7. Justin Coleman was sonned about five times throughout the game until he came up with the enormous goal line interception of Stafford.


9. K.J. Wright looks just as good as he always has.

10. Bobby Wagner loves hugging aka annihilating Golden Tate.

11. Another running back touchdown!

12. Michael Dickson hath balls of steel or zirconium or whatever Australia’s greatest metallic export is.

Follow @SeahawkScout

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