T*steful Roundup: Fuck the Rams Edition

After the most interesting game we’ve experienced this season, welcome back to THE T*STEFUL ROUNDUP.

Contributors, guest-posters, and all sorts of rascals from the BeastGlobe will write up a brief chunk of text discussing their thoughts from the previous night’s game. It will likely be a combination of humor, insight, knowledge, ineptitude, and everything in between.

Enjoy these words from all of these nerds and, as always…



I’m frustrated with Seattle’s loss but not so much with the performance. My prevailing negative thoughts focus on the fact that completions from the Rams’ offense seemed to be manufactured at will. The boy wizard McVay is a problem and will continue to be. All of his concepts seemed to work. In-breaking routes from the outside continue to be an issue per scheme but more disappointingly so for the corners as well. The coverage busts downfield on crossers continued even after the Rams’ injuries.

It’s impossible to tell without the All-22, but Tedric did seem to struggle as the middle of field (MOF) safety. To me, McDougald is more natural there than Tedric and the latter could be experimented with as the down safety to initiate him to regular NFL play. Perhaps a mix-and-match type of safety rotation scenario with Baby Lead and Teddy?

I find great irony in how this team now runs inside zone and between the tackles in general compared to years past. The theory behind Cable’s approach was to find these hog-mollies (word to Dave Gettleman) that seemed better suited for drive-blocking-heavy gap schemes, put them through his super-secret ZBS Tutorial and knock motherfuckers off the ball in his self-correcting, ready for anything system. In practice, once there was no longer HOF talent at RB (rip Beastmode and C-Mike) we saw these mammoths get beat weekly by any given above-average defensive lineman that applied any semblance of subtlety in their technique to counter their brutishness and figured out his predictable scheme. But now you’ve got J.R. Sweezy back for round two and signed the most Tom Cable-esque free agent in D.J. Fluker and are knocking the likes of motherfuckers such as Aaron Donald, Michael Brockers, and Ndamukong Suh off the ball under the oversight of Not Tom Cable, Tom Solari.

But anyway the run game is cool and I don’t know how much that matters, but it mattered-ish today. Schotty does appear to have located the play-action section of his call sheet. He dialed up some good ones, but still lacked the frequency and timeliness. Hopefully, he builds off of successful days on the ground better in the future.

Follow @cmikesspinmove


The Seahawks went toe-to-toe with the best team in the NFC (potentially even the NFL). There will be a lot of focus on the end of game decision making (spoiler alert, it was fine), but the play that sealed the ‘Hawks’ fate was Shaq Griffin making contact just a hair too early on a 4th and 5.

The Seahawks are retooling their team on the fly. It’s going to come with growing pains. I can handle those as long as the team demonstrates gains throughout the rest of the season.

Follow @HdR0bot


When the Rams came down and blocked the punt of Michael Dickson, my dearest and only son, who avenged him? Who stood in the gap, manned the trenches and avenged our dearest little Dicky?

Our father, who art on D-Line, Frank Clark be his name. I don’t know what the future of the Seahawks holds. But it better involve Frank Clark. Pay. That. Man.

Seattle’s pass rush isn’t in its finest hour, and I don’t think it gets markedly better this season. But if there is a bright shining star still there, Frank Clark is its name.

Follow @SeanFromSeabeck


Follow @ThePatton


The Seahawks, down a HOF safety, a Pro Bowl linebacker and playing with the ghost of Doug Baldwin, came within two brain farts and a theoretical* Janikowski kick of beating a pretty good Rams team.

(*they’re all theoretical but admit you can picture this one pretty easily)

Our gents can rush the ball, but not the passer. They can control the pace, but fall on their face. The thing they’re most consistent at is being inconsistent.

Moral victories are defeats. If they were victories, we would call them wins and put them in the pretty column instead of the ugly one. But this team looks better than it did Weeks 1 and 2, and it isn’t remotely close. If they make the same jump between now and November, there are still good — or great — things ahead.

Walking home from the game, it’s fun to eavesdrop on fellow fans dissecting the game, coping with emotions and shit. Fun to get a pulse on what Chad from Kent is thinking. (hi chad.) Listen with me.

“This team isn’t that bad.”
“Fucking penalties, we had it, man.”
“Carson’s so good.”
“Hung with one of the best teams.”

Not something we’d have heard in 2012-2014. But it isn’t those years. This is a build to 2012 redux, which could arrive sooner than most people think. If today is any indication. And it is.

Follow @johndavidfraley


I hate the Rams so much. God fucking dammit I hate them so much.

With that out of the way, I have a few reactions to Sunday’s contest:

  1. This wasn’t the familiar slog of most weeks; Seattle’s offense hummed for three quarters as a brutish run game and devastatingly efficient play-action passing attack sliced and diced the Rams except for when it didn’t of course. That was fun when they stopped doing the thing they shouldn’t have stopped doing (try and score touchdowns).
  2. Aaron Donald was quieter than I could have ever imagined, which is a testament to the game plan and Mike Solari’s group. I legit have nightmares about that guy sometimes and, while he and Suh each got home at one point or another, they didn’t play like the game-wreckers that they both are.
  3. Sean McVay has gargantuan dick energy. That dude could toss Cyler Miles into an offense with ten versions of me playing every other position and script scoring drives.
  4. Tedric Thompson played about as well as one could expect. Dropping an interception that would have saved a touchdown was very disappointing but I’m all for padding those stats with a pick on the hail mary before halftime. Stuffing Gurley on the third down before the QB sneak was noice.
  5. Shaquill Griffin’s pass interference on that 4th down was the game-changer. Quill didn’t seem to play well at all today.
  6. I’ve given Chris Carson and Mike Davis a lot of shit but those boys do not stink no they do not. They’re a fucking impressive duo and it’s a bit electrifying to be…*shudder*…excited about a Seahawks’ rushing attack.
  7. D.J. Fluker is a fookin monstrosity and I am here for him literally eating defensive linemen on the field. Except for when he’s called for holding penalties that back the team out of field goal range, of course.
  8. David Moore is sick as fuck and seeing him succeed makes me happy.
  9. This might’ve been Russell’s best game ever against the Rams. He did just about everything that he needed to put the team in a position to win.
  10. Unfortunately, the team did not win. But by golly they traded haymakers with arguably the best team in the NFL (who they have historically struggled against) and nearly pulled it out. We’re only five weeks away until the Seahawks beat the Rams on their home turf.
Follow @SeahawkScout

2 thoughts on “T*steful Roundup: Fuck the Rams Edition

  1. Mike, don’t ya think Russell’s best performance ever against the Rams was passing for 313 yds, 3 TDs and rushing for 102 yds, 1 TD in a game where Seattle’s defense and Marshawn took the day off to mourn the tradering of Percy while our venerable special teams got repeatedly clowned? The only reason that game wasn’t a total blowout in Jeff Fisher’s man-cave of a stadium was Russell Wilson. The hilarity here is that Austin Davis had a perfect Jeff Fisher day going 17/20 for 155, 2 TDs with no sacks/fumbles/int and a passer rating of 132.3, which beats Jared Goff yesterday. Somewhere yesterday Jeff Fisher was cackling in a Sam’s Club parking lot checking the stats on his iPhone 6, laughing at all those silly yards Sean McVay worked so hard to produce. Oh, Jeff. Enjoy that 3-pack of Kraft mayonnaise, Pornstache.

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