Write Off the Seahawks at Your Own Fucking Risk

Earl Thomas is dead. Football dead! Not real dead!

So is Kam Chancellor. Cliff Avril too. Richard Sherman is in exile. K.J. Wright’s in limbo, Will Dissly’s stuck in rehab, Jimmy Graham fled for greener pastures and greener bays, plus Michael Bennett was a little too Michael Bennetty for the Seahawks, so he’s in another locker room altogether.

And worst of all, Russell Wilson looks like Andy Dalton. He’s basically dead as well.

So you wanna write off the Seahawks. That’s stupid. You’re stupid. (All eight readers close their tabs.) No! Wait! I’m also stupid. You’re in good company. Or, in company. Fuck. I’m not helping.

The 2010 Seahawks were written off. They dumped all the decent talent remaining from the Holmgren years, they weren’t worthy division winners, they didn’t stand a chance against the Saints, they would never amount to anything under the ridiculous tutelage of Pete Carroll, a colossal failure as NFL coach.

The 2011 Seahawks were written off. They didn’t have a quarterback, they spent all their time drafting idiotic oversized, funny-shaped defensive backs. Marshawn Lynch isn’t all that. Consecutive 7-9 seasons? Might as well start fresh again.

The 2012 Seahawks were written off. At 4-4 they weren’t likely to make the playoffs. Their quarterback was too short and relied on playground football, and besides, the 49ers were too strong and well set up for the rest of the decade with a savant coach and a revolutionary quarterback.

After that 4-4 start, the Seahawks won 25 of their next 30 games, including four in the postseason and one Lombardi, by five scores at that.

STILL…!

The 2014 Seahawks fell to 3-3 and they were written off. They, um, won the conference. After you wrote them off in the NFCCG against Green Bay, which Seattle won.

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The 2015 Seahawks lost their first two games. At this point I don’t think anyone honestly wrote them off, because who would be that dense? Fast forward.

Now, today, before what is a certain loss to the Rams, a fixed point in history that no time traveler could alter, the 2018 Seahawks sit at 2-2, and their Hall of Fame safety has probably played his last game for them after breaking his left leg for the second time in three years.

Their quarterback’s still too short, he can’t throw from the pocket anymore, his head is all messed up, and his offensive coordinator has less than half a clue.

Their head coach is finished, stuck making personnel calls with a rotary phone in a smartphone era. Their offensive line is hopeless, their receivers can’t catch footballs and their injuries are far too much to overcome.

So. Write them off. I fucking dare you.