Seahawks As Things…

…in my home. Household items, decorations, places. About a decade ago, one of the best Seattles to ever blog wrote this very same post, only better — and about the Mariners, who were not better than anyone at the time. I’ve linked his piece as a hat tip. Personal goal: make you chuckle half as often today as I did eight years ago reading the original. That would constitute a wild success.


C.J. Prosise

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Our seven-month old kitten Tiger Lily is impossibly agile and quick-twitched. She astounds us with her daily feats, but because of her size, we can never let her out in the wild. She wouldn’t last two days in the forest beyond our property line without being destroyed. Foxes, hawks, coyotes, raccoons, deer all patrol that area.


Russell Wilson


Up first thing. No time to sleep. Works every day without fail. Some call his presence overrated but let’s be honest – the day’s entire operation breaks down if he fails.


Offensive Line (the whole group)


My garage has all the potential in the world. Houses some trash but also stores some treasure. A ladder, a not-quite-ready foosball table, new-ish bikes. Camping gear. These are things we use! There’s even a mystery chest. A successful path from point A to point B exists already even without improvement; such a narrow path, however. If the room ever gets fully organized, it will be one of the most useful spaces in my house: versatile, large, able to protect valuable assets. Until then it’s a mess.

(Some parts of the room may have been patched while that glorious day awaits.)


Earl Thomas


My piano is the best thing. Earl Thomas is the best thing. Easy-peasy. (Full disclosure: I’m a piano teacher by trade. Earl Thomas could be a piano teacher if he wanted. He could be anything, but he chose to be a football God.)


Rashaad Penny

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Most certainly, I paid too much for this beer, but now that I have it, I intend to enjoy the fuck out of it.


Bobby Wagner


Bobby is indoor plumbing. Okay. Let’s get something perfectly straight, fellow idiots. I love Wagz. I DO NOT THINK BOBBY IS A TOILET. But imagine a house without a toilet. Would you live in that house? No. It would be unlivable. It would make no sense to stay, and you would move within days, at the most.

Indoor plumbing is your house’s most underrated feature. You don’t think about it until it’s compromised. And then your life is hell.

(This line of comparison is only improved by Wagner’s current big local endorsement deal with Beacon.)

FINE! If you prefer, Bobby Wagner is a straight flush.


Kam Chancellor


This console and accessories kicked ass when they came out, revolutionized our household for much of 2010 and 2011 and into 2012, but we’re not sure if we’ll ever use it all again in the same way as we did in the early part of the decade. We would like to! But we’re just not sure.


Rasheem Green


My rescued baby trees. They are green, and green, just like the green Green. Though today they are young, with proper nurturing they will become majestic. With neglect they will disappear and never be heard from again.


Tanner McEvoy


It’s tall and handsome… but this enormous pepper mill just sits there, we never use it, and if we did it would be awkward most of the time anyway. Prone to sending the pepper in an unintended direction.


Tyler Ott


This timepiece is attractive enough. That being said, its main feature is that it is six feet wide and thus fills an empy wall above our bedroom door. Other decorations might do just as good a job, but I own this one, so why own the others?


Sebastian Janikowski

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He’s 40.


The 2013 season

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A beautiful moment, captured in a way that will always elicit nostalgia. But my son and my niece are walking away: that’s not a detail, it’s significant. If a similar picture ever happens again, it’s probably taken with different people, or the same people who’ve become different in the meantime. The exact, perfect moment can be relived, yet never recreated exactly the same.


There are many Seahawks. We’ll do a second round of this someday. I didn’t even get to the Griffins, Dougie, No-E, Thorpe, or our dynamic punter duo. Good thing it’s a long offseason.